The Disinformation Agent (my_kakistocracy) wrote in dream_beans,
The Disinformation Agent
my_kakistocracy
dream_beans

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So. Last night I watched a few episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion before bed. I also read a book about ships, and I read a magazine article both about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Madonna. So, I basically know where the plot of this came from. But still, there were feelings in this dream, indescribable, beautiful feelings. Yes, I know. Sounds stupid. But still. Not all of this is clear because I’m writing way after the fact, it’s alredy almost six at night.

I was in the city, the city my dreams usually take place in. It’s a beautiful city, my city. This time I’m on the outskirts, near what is big enough to be the ocean, but is really quite calm. On an island is the NERV headquarters (from Evangelion). I work for them, and I am young, but I’m not really a pilot I don’t think, because the Evas never really came into this. I was hanging out with three other people, two boys and a girl, on the mainland. There was this feeling of friendship, it was wonderful. Then these guys in dark suits come up to us and tell us we’re needed at NERV. So we board a gigantic ship, and set sail across the water. We’re talking, then all of a sudden we sense there’s something wrong. We sneak up the stairs to where the men are, then realize that they tricked us. They’re really trying to kill us. But instead of being afraid, we are exhiliarated with the thought of escape. We run to the top deck, then dive into the sunny clear water. We float and twist and swim so perfectly it’s like flying. We dodge the bottom of the ship and soar over the top of another. We get back to the mainland, where we are soon approached by another ship. It is night now. We board, and find out once more we were seduced into an evil plot (how dumb can you get?) One of the boys runs up and hits each guy on the head, knocking them out. One guy is left, and he smiles as my friend picks up a bowl to hit him with. When the bowl hits the ground, it gives off poisonous gas. We hold our breath and run up to the top deck again, breathing in fresh air. We look down at the water. It is dark now. One of the only direct quotes I remember:
Girl: “It’s night now, so dark, so cold. In the light the water is like lemonade. Now it is like oil.”
Boy: “No, it is like wine. Rich, cool, wine.”
So we jump in, we cut through the water. It is icy cold, but somehow refreshing, enlivining. It is closer to the NERV headquarters than home, so we swim there. People look grouchy, but we just make comments about their clothing and leave. We were trying to figure out what this one guy was wearing, it was a red sort of overcoat with gold trim. Then we go to a house that looks like mine. A woman tells us that they had to put the dogs in the kennel because kids were over. I look out the window and there are kids on bikes, riding around the yard. Again, I feel a feeling of happiness. Suddenly, it begins to rain. Rain pours down, and the little kids start shreiking, abandoning their bikes to jump into mudpuddles. I go outside and stand in the rain. It comes down and makes a tinny sound as it bounces off a red and blue roadsign. The bushes rustle softly, and the rain smells gorgeous. I take a deep breath and feel myself in perfect bliss. Later, we had a party. Some person was impersonating Madonna, and it was hilarious. There was a big stage with pink lighting, and everyone started dancing and laughing. Afterwards, I wandered outside with my friends. It was still wet, still beautiful. On the lawn was Sarah Michelle Gellar! I asked a friend, “Is that really Sarah Gellar?” She looked at my funny and said, “Well…no. That’s Buffy Summers, she visits sometimes.” Then I was like, of course! There are no actors here, the characters are real, there is real fantasy here. I looked around, the sun was rising over the beautiful city, glistening off the wet skyscrapers. I turned to my friend.
“If I had one wish, just one wish. If I could wish for a billion dollars or absolute power over everything in the universe, or to be the most beautiful person that ever lived, I wouldn’t. I’d wish to stay right here. I’d wish to live here, to be here. Here there is fantasy, here there is adventure. Here I have a purpose, and true friendship.”
“But don’t you have a home dimension?”
“Yes. But this is home. More home than that. You don’t realize how right this feels. This is a thousand more real than reality.”


And it was, in a way. Senses were heightened, feelings were deeper, truer. When I woke up I had a deep sadness I had left the place---but then it was replaced by almost fear. I really did want to live there. The only problem was, ‘there’ was a few synapse connections in my brain. If I could truly close myself in where I could live in my dreams, and be stagnant in the real world, just my brain and itself—I probably would. And that scares me, a bit.
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